Showing Up to Connect: Be You, Do Less

showing up to connect

You can be the best brand designer on the internet. You can be the best bookkeeper or business coach that ever existed, but if people don’t connect with you and your message, you aren’t going to go very far because there are thousands of brand designers, bookkeepers, business coaches, etc. out there.

It’s not about being better or up-leveling your skills (although that is important). I’m not going to say that learning something new and improving isn’t important, but sometimes we forget that there are human beings behind every single business. Human beings that long for connection.

People want to buy from people. 

So often we find ourselves asking, “What else should I be doing? What’s the missing piece? Why am I doing all of this with little to nothing to show for it?”

First, this isn’t about adding more to your plate. This is about doing what you do well and maximizing it.

There is nothing else to add. I know you probably feel like you are spinning your wheels trying to do ALL THE THINGS. All the things it takes to make your business run. All the things the experts and “business leaders” are telling you to do to have a successful business. All the marketing and social media, and in-person events. ALL THE THINGS. 

And now what, Mandi? You’re telling me to add something else? Relationships? What’s your 10-step process? I’ll add it to my list!

Take a deeeeep breath. Let your shoulders relax. And maybe one more deep breath and let your shoulders drop about an inch lower.

Note: this content first appeared as a live video over on Facebook! If you’d rather watch than read, click below!

This isn’t about addition — it’s more about subtracting and then multiplying your efforts. Or maybe dividing your efforts, so you can multiply them. I was never good at math, but what I do know is this:

You are already doing so much. You are running on a treadmill when you really want to be out on the trail covering actual ground. The last thing I want to do AND the last thing I’m going to do is to give you one more thing to add to your list. 

What we have found is that when you align your strengths, your purpose, and your passion, you find clarity on where and how you need to be showing up. You are able to speak the message and live out the life that sets your soul on fire. 

So instead of showing up everywhere all the time, you will find your ONE platform. The ONE that you love, that you shine on, the one that lights you up, the one that aligns with who you are and your deeper purpose, and go ALL-IN there. 

That’s where you share your core message. That’s where you start the relationship. That’s where you activate your power and begin to see real movement.

I’m not saying you live here forever and never show up anywhere else, but you simplify your efforts so you have time to truly connect with the human beings that show up there.

Want in on the behind the scenes at She Can Coterie? That’s what I’m doing here. I’ve been going all-in on video content over on Facebook. I’m putting my time and energy there. I’m engaging there. But I’m not going to live there forever. This is the part where we multiply our impact.

I’m already using that valuable content I’ve created around my core message again, RIGHT HERE. I’ll use the video content for blog posts, email marketing, Instagram content, you name it!

I’m going all in, showing up in my strength, purpose, and passion . I’m simplifying it down to ONE place. Then we will amplify our efforts.

Next, you need to align your strength, your purpose, and your passion. This is your core message.

Like I mentioned at the beginning, this isn’t about being the BEST at what you do. This is about being the YOUest. And how do we show up as our truest selves?

We align our strength, purpose, and passion. This is truly the most unique combination. Someone else can design a website as well as you can, but they can’t copy your strength purpose and passion.

This is what makes you uniquely you. When you are uniquely you, you shine. When you are focusing where you are best, people will naturally be drawn to you.

Don’t settle for less. (Ever!) It’s just not you. When you lower your standards, you’re prevented from adding your greatest value and creating your biggest impact.

When you tap into this way of living and working, you’ll attract new clients, create a memorable brand, and make the impact you were born to create.

Your strengths, passion, and purpose make you different. It’s what makes you, YOU.

Now that you know that I’m not asking you to add anything to your plate, but to strip away all the things and ways of working that don’t align with who you UNIQUELY are, you might be overthinking what’s next.

Don’t overthink this. It should be what comes most naturally to you.

The way you show up and create relationships in real life should parallel the way you are showing up online. You don’t have to create a new, flashy version of yourself for Instagram. You don’t have to create a false reality. 

It’s the human beings we're forgetting about when we're busy hustling trying to be everything to everyone on every platform. Humans connect with humans, so show up in your humanity. In your realness. Show up how you are uniquely YOU.

Trying to be everything to everyone on every platform isn't how you start a relationship. That’s not how you make a friend. We don’t show up at five different places, dressed up like someone else, and start shouting at the top of our lungs what we're about. And just hope it resonates with someone.

If this were "real life," (which it is) you’d probably show up where it feels most natural. Your local coffee shop? You see the woman beside you reading Brené Brown. The next time she takes a break, you mention you just read Dare to Lead and it’s changed the way you view everything (because it did).

She says, “Oh my word! I know. I just watched her Netflix special and cried the whole time.”

Woah. Your personalities click and you each think, "Hey! There might be something here..." So you exchange names and maybe even phone numbers. She’s no longer a stranger.

In real life, you connect with people one at a time. You don't make friends by the masses, do you?

From here, you connect, tell her more about yourself, listen, question, and engage in conversation. You don’t just invite her over to your house for dinner. That would be awkward… But you probably make plans to meet up there again or go to that new art gallery (do people do that? In this scenario, they totally do.).

Probably after the first or second commitment, you’ve figured out if she’s a serial killer or not (listening to too many true crime podcasts over here), and you invite her over to watch The Bachelorette. Hey, you’ll even cook dinner!

Before she arrives, you probably make an effort in your house, right? You put away the pile of shoes by the door. Clear the clutter off the coffee table. Make sure the toilet paper is stocked and the hand towel is fresh. You light a candle so it smells inviting and homey.

When she shows up, you probably offer her a glass of wine. You’ve set the table even though you normally eat on the couch. You go the extra mile to make sure she feels welcome and taken care of. You watch the episode. You laugh at the same moments, roll your eyes in unison — y'all really do have so much in common!

The show is over, the dishes are put away, she heads home. This isn't the end, not at all! As with any new friend, you'll continue to engage, invite, and serve.

If you haven’t caught my drift by now, this is a giant metaphor for how we should be thinking about and treating people from our first contact through the time they become a client and offboard.

For too long we’ve been trying to do business the way that online marketers tell us to. We've followed all of their one-size-fits-all blueprints. We've tried to show up all the places. We've said yes to clients that weren't a great fit just to pay the bills.

It’s time to UNLEARN those smarmy schemes. And I get that they aren’t all smarmy, but so often they lack the humanity that we crave. We need to remember that there are living, breathing humans behind every computer screen. There are human hearts and minds that want to connect with us. 

It’s all about relationships over followings.

Relationships WORK, followings don’t. 

Relationships LAST, followings don’t. 

Relationships FULFILL, followings don’t. 

We want our clients to grow their businesses in a fulfilling, sustainable, and effective way by focusing on what works, lasts and fulfills - relationships.

I would love to hear one thing you’re taking away from this today. Is there anything you are going to put into practice?

And if you are ready to ditch the traditional marketing blueprints, the hustling, the showing up everywhere and not making your true, deepest impact, WE ARE TOO! 

You can schedule a call with us and we will see if our signature program, Align & Activate, is a fit for you. We help you play to your strengths, invest in relationships, and create a memorable brand doing the work that sets your soul on fire through our 12-week one-on-one program.


Why You Aren’t Attracting Your Ideal Clients

Why You Aren't Attracting Your Ideal Clients | SheCanCoterie.com

As a business owner, you might feel like you’re spinning your wheels and burning out in pursuit of meaning and purpose in your business. Trying to attract aligned and ideal clients while trying to stay on top of the current clients you have. Trying, trying, trying, but feeling like you aren’t making traction.

I have so been there too. I’ve been burnt out, have missed time with my family (isn’t it ironic that spending more time with family is one of the biggest reasons why women decide to work from home?), have spent time working with not ideal clients, and didn’t make the money that I should have been. (Side note: it’s okay to want to make a lot of money!)

Does any of that sound familiar?

When you’re trying to be everywhere and do everything, you aren’t speaking your message clearly.

And because you’re stuck in this hustle, you don’t have the bandwidth to do the amount of client pursuit to make the money you need. 

Because we don’t have time, you might be spending a TON of money in pursuit of quick fixes — buying that shiny course or blueprint, hiring and firing coaches, throwing up new offerings. 

When we’re in this cycle, we can start to feel like we’ve lost ourselves on the way. You might even feel disconnected from your business and the clients you are serving. 

You might be trying sleazy, “bro-marketing” that is (1) unethical, (2) just kind of gross, and (3) isn’t paying off because it’s so out of alignment with who you truly are. You might even find yourself going back and forth between a “burn it all down” and a “this is kind of working” mindset.

Are you feeling actual physical manifestations of the overwhelm and hustle? Desperation, financial anxiety, worry about the future, strained personal relationships, making rash decisions, eating a pint of ice cream every night, adrenal fatigue?

When we get to this place, we are desperate. Desperate for anything that will work. And that’s the energy that we are putting out. Scarcity energy will flow into your marketing, into your client work, and into your client relationships. That kind of energy is toxic and turns people away.

We don’t want to be here anymore. What would it look like if you were walking in alignment with you are and who you are meant to be? What would it look like if you were walking in your strengths and investing in relationships over “quick win” marketing?

Note: this content first appeared as a live video over on Facebook! If you’d rather watch than read, click below!

Do you want to know the root cause of this problem? We are out of alignment with our strengths, our passion, and our purpose. 

You aren’t pouring your energy into your strengths. You are spreading your efforts thin across too many avenues of marketing. You aren’t clearly communicating your message, so your brand experience is lacking. This is all keeping you from creating relationships.

What would it look like if you were aligned with your strength, passion, and purpose? This is where I want to LIVE. And it’s where I want you to live too.

Take a few minutes to journal your answers to these questions:

  • What are some highlights of who you are and your personality?

  • What do people praise about you?

  • What do you love and value about yourself?

  • What is your biggest passion?

  • What is your purpose? Why are you on this earth? What were you made for?

Now, only make decisions that are aligned with your answers. Invest in relationships that are in alignment with who you are and the impact you are here to create. Only work with clients that are aligned with this purpose. Only create a new offering when it comes from this place.

When we are walking in this alignment we are making a TRUE impact.

We will be working with aligned clients because like attracts like. We will be making more money.

Once we are walking in this alignment we are able to focus on building relationships. And what I’ve found to be true OVER and OVER is that :

Relationships WORK, followings don’t. 
Relationships LAST, followings don’t. 
Relationships FULFILL, followings don’t. 

We want our clients to grow their businesses in a fulfilling, sustainable, and effective way by focusing on what works, lasts, and fulfills: relationships.

I would love to hear one thing you’re taking away from this today. Is there anything you are going to put into practice? Let me know in the comments.

And if you are ready to ditch the traditional marketing blueprints, the hustling, the showing up everywhere and not making your true, deepest impact, WE ARE TOO! 

We’re sharing a guided journal to discover your relationship marketing strengths. And I’ll be sharing much more in the coming weeks about how this can work for you, your unique strengths, in your unique business.

Relationships, Not Followers: 3 Genuine Ways to Level Up Your Business

Relationships, Not Followers: 3 Genuine Ways to Level Up Your Business | SheCanCoterie.com

I started She Can Coterie in August of 2015. I was laid off from my job as a virtual assistant with no notice. Fortunately, three of the clients I had been working with decided to take the leap to work with me on my own. They had a relationship with me and not the company that laid me off, so they jumped right in.

This was my first glimpse into the power of relationship marketing. 

From there, they started sending me referrals, and I had ZERO boundaries, so I said yes to everyone and everything. Because I was getting so many referrals each week—which sounds like a dream, I know—I never invested in any sort of marketing.

But then I found myself changing course in my business. I didn’t make moves because the business or the projects weren’t working; I just knew that we could do more better with more impact for the women we worked with.

From there, referrals could no longer get me new clients. I didn’t have a flow in place for new clients to find me—and I found our funds getting tighter.

I was lying awake at night thinking about all the team and business expenses. I was hustling and trying random things to bring in money. One month I had to personally cover team payroll, and that’s when I knew this couldn’t happen again.

This all comes down to the legacy that I want to lead. I want women to walk in their strengths and build lives they love while creating the impact they were born to create. That’s what I want for the women on my team, that’s what I want for our clients, and that’s what I want for YOU.

Note: this content first appeared as a live video over on Facebook! If you’d rather watch than read, click below!

There is power in relationship marketing. 

So this is what we’ve found to be true:

Relying on referrals means you don’t have a strategy for growth.

I wasn’t cultivating relationships and paving a path for leads to come to me. When we rely on referrals to walk in the door, we are being reactive, not proactive.

When we shifted the way we worked, two things happened :

First, the referrals that were coming in were expecting something that we didn’t offer anymore. They were far from ideal, and we had high client turnover. When client turnover was high, we weren’t profitable. We invested SO deeply in the first two months to understand a client’s business and needs, only for them to leave because they were expecting services we did not and could not offer.

The second thing that happened was referrals dwindled. Because our client turnover was high, they were definitely not referring us. AND because our services were new we didn’t have clients that truly understood the way we were working. 

We were left with no strategy in place, no road paved for leads to come to us, no consistent relationship, no defined experience. So, we tried to do it all, frantically.

Trying to be everywhere means that you don’t make your biggest impact anywhere.

I found myself trying to follow all of the blueprints of success from the “experts”—I know you can relate! But those experts don’t know me or my business. They know what works for them and their business. 

I was left hustling, but never seeing success. Trying to run a marathon, but realizing I’m stuck on a treadmill.

So I began looking at our best clients. The ones who lit up our team, who stuck around for ages, who sing our praises, and who we did our best work for. I mapped out their journeys to working with us. And I realized their paths had the same touchpoints, the same flow, and were founded on one common denominator: a strong relationship built consistently, intentionally, lovingly and attentively over time. That’s relationship marketing, simply put. It’s real. And it’s powerful. 

The mediocre and even downright not ideal clients? The ones who were constantly picking us apart, who drug their feet, who didn’t allow us to do our best work, who stuck around for one month and went on their way unhappily? 90% of the time, they were referrals. 

What we realized is that you don’t control referrals. You control relationships. Or how you intentionally build relationships.

We don’t oppose referrals. But referrals must be a byproduct of a relationship you intentionally cultivate and enjoy. When you only allow clients in who you have a joyful relationship with, then all your referrals will be new friends, too.

Relationships, not followings.

Because of this journey we’ve been through as a company and the journey we’ve discovered with our clients, we discovered what worked and what didn’t. Here’s the answer: 

Relationships WORK, followings don’t. 
Relationships LAST, followings don’t. 
Relationships FULFILL, followings don’t. 

We want our clients to grow their businesses in a fulfilling, sustainable, and effective way by focusing on what works, lasts and fulfills—relationships.

If you are ready to ditch the traditional marketing blueprints, the hustling, the showing up everywhere and not making your true, deepest impact, WE ARE TOO.

We’re sharing a guided journal to discover your relationship marketing strengths. And I’ll be sharing much more in the coming weeks about how this can work for you, your unique strengths, in your unique business.